[size=99px]A Night with Ehsan
[/size]
Starring
Ehsan as the Villiage idiot
Mudrat as Dr. Strangelove
Sobchak as John Mclain
And Chicken as Orson Wells
(also grel and pewps might be in there as extras)
Sorry it's so long, but there wasn't a lot I could cut.
We open on ehsan talking about how awesome his clubbing life is:
Ehsan: Did I tell you guys the cover charge for the club at the Monday night Dolphin game was $350, and $1000 for a table?
Sobchak: Miami seems like an expensive place.
Ehsan: Eh.... it can be depends where you are.
chickenrising: Oh Ehsan
Ehsan: Some clubs are fuckin expensive, some are very good and only like $20 to get in and $10 a drink.
MudRat: thats expensive, dipshit
Ehsan: Ok then i guess we had different ideas of expensive.
MudRat: put it this way
Ehsan: Liv which is in the fountain bleu is expensive.
MudRat: a few hunge gone in a night just for that?
MudRat: its just not worth it, I hit the clubs probably twice a year
Sobchak: hm
Sobchak: I spent 15 dollars on 4 Whiskey and Cokes on Wednesday
Sobchak: but that's a pretty good deal
Ehsan: Where you at home?
MudRat: yeah thats not bad
Sobchak: a concert at a bar.
Ehsan: The cost of the drinks depends on where you are, i can buy a 6 pack at walgreens and drink at home and I'll save a lot then going to clubs.
Sobchak: because clubs make money off the bars, they have to charge up the as
Sobchak: ass
Ehsan: I don't even drink much anyways at clubs, I normally bumb off other people's bottles.
chickenrising: ?
MudRat: Oh dear
Ehsan: Yeah well when a liquor licence costs you a million dollars you better.
chickenrising: You drink other peopls beer?
Sobchak: Rude.
MudRat: thats ridiculous
Ehsan: wtf chicken that's what happens when you live in utah.
MudRat: I'd backhand you for sipping my 10 dollar beer
chickenrising: like what... when they aren't looking?
Ehsan: Nobody drinks beer in a club.
MudRat: yeah they do
Sobchak: what other drinks come in bottles?
chickenrising: Nobody drinks beer outside of a club
Ehsan: Vodka
Sobchak: Are bartenders just giving you a huge bottle of vodka?
Sobchak: oh, tables
Ehsan: Yes
Ehsan: lol
Sobchak: fuckin clubs.
Ehsan: Wtf?!
Sobchak: lol
chickenrising: Eshan, its beside the point
Sobchak: And you don't pay the people who bought the bottle?
Ehsan: I socialize?
MudRat: oh you nob head ehsan, thats the height of gay
chickenrising: Oh
chickenrising: His company is payment enough
Ehsan: Maybe clubs are different in other places.
Sobchak: This sounds like a Jersey Shore plotline
chickenrising: "And Snookie was all sneaking sips from everyone's drink. It's like, buy your own damn booze you bitch"
Ehsan: The point is to get the girls to drink anyways.
Sobchak: lol
MudRat: You better get your story straight when you're standing in front of the golden gates of heaven ehsan
chickenrising: lol
MudRat: "did you continually steal from clubbers?"
MudRat: "I'm sorry Ehsan, but we don't do that here"
Ehsan: lol mudrat, after everyone else in here thinking they only have beer in clubs, i don't think anyone should question me.
MudRat: nobody said they only have beer
chickenrising: Wait slow down
MudRat: just that beer was available in clubs
chickenrising: They have other things besides beer in clubs?
chickenrising: Like what?
Ehsan: Oh sorry only the clubs in utah
MudRat: dude are you high, beer is the only beverage available even outside of utah
Ehsan: But you guys were like drinking from other people's bottle ewww ,i was like wtf are you all talking about.
chickenrising: Prohibition never ended in Utah, according to Ehsan.
chickenrising: It was just a joke ehsan
Ehsan: sure it was.
Ehsan: No no, don't down play it chicken, you kinda gave away you've never been clubing.
Sobchak: I don't think anyone thought it was ew
Sobchak: just shitty.
Sobchak: Mooches are pretty globally despised.
Ehsan: I mean i don't know if mormons have clubs.
chickenrising: Sorry, but when you said you bummed from everyone else. I just imagined you sneaking sips from other people's "beer" when they wernt looking
chickenrising: Well I am sure Mormons dont
MudRat: so did I
MudRat: and to be honest, I'm still thinking that you do
chickenrising: But yes, there are privately owned clubs in utah
Sobchak: Mormons have fight clubs
MudRat: you sip from people's beer.
Ehsan: Que mooches? I just said everyone at a table drinking. Nobody sits there splitting the cost of a $30 bottle.
Sobchak:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world ... 16097.html
MudRat: that must be premium beer to be 30 bucks
Sobchak: Mormon clubs are way tougher than Miami clubs
Ehsan: People just buy, nobody sits there asking for $5 bucks from everyone.
chickenrising: happens everywhere in utah
chickenrising: Utah, you got to be tough to live out here
chickenrising: It's like, "go back to baltimore, you pussy"
Sobchak: Ehsan, you said you never pay for drinks
Sobchak: That's mooch.
Sobchak: That's shitty.
Ehsan: Anyways, clubbing is fun, and the original point, was chicks be throwing pics of a girls night out all over facebook to piss the guys in their lives off.
Ehsan: Look back i said i do.
Ehsan: I just said nobody sits there splitting on every bottle like it's a business deal.
chickenrising: Yeah
chickenrising: But you NEVER pay
MudRat: you just bum the whole night
chickenrising: If we go back and look at what you said
Ehsan: In the latin culture people buy for others, it's common. I do it once and a while, and my other friends do too, sometimes i meet new people and they buy me a drink or 2. It's nothing uncommon.
chickenrising: Oh, latin culture
Ehsan: I was saying I don't spend much at clubs, I only drop $50 at most.
Sobchak: Man I must be super poor
chickenrising: 50 dollars... imagine all the food I could buy with that.
Sobchak: I think I'd have to rob a 7-11 before I go clubbing in Miami
Ehsan: Wtf, people drop thousands at clubs in Miami, 50 bucks ain't shit.
Sobchak: Like I said, super poor
chickenrising: It's true
Ehsan: People roll up in fuckin limo with hookers pooring out, trust me i'm poor.
chickenrising: Why would you take a hooker to a club?
Ehsan: I just go sometimes i pay cover, sometimes i don't and drinks are normally $10
MudRat: and then complain that she's making you jealous?
MudRat: she's a hooker!
Ehsan: You take a hooker to a club so you can make the sluts more attracted to you.
Ehsan: Makes sense right?
chickenrising: You have a hooker and a limo.. .why take her to the club?
Ehsan: It's an investment.
chickenrising: The deal is already done
Ehsan: No it's long term investments.
MudRat: its not an investment, its a depreciating asset
Sobchak: I saw that on The Pick-Up Artist
MudRat: you cock juggler
chickenrising: Yeah but ehsan
Ehsan: You bring the hooker an it makes the hoes who give it out for free think you're hot shit, and then they want you.
Ehsan: The limo is rented, and so is the hooker lol
chickenrising: You go to clubs to meet girls and not have sex before your married
chickenrising: You pay a hooker to have sex.
chickenrising: Why is the club useful?
Ehsan: See chicken, a comment like that.
Ehsan: Shows me you don't club.
MudRat: no, chicken has a point
Ehsan: You go to a club to fuck, not meet women.
Sobchak: but... isn't that what a hooker's for to begin with?
chickenrising: Yes, fuck after you marry them
Ehsan: OR you go to a club to hangout with your friends.
chickenrising: I understand what happens at clubs
MudRat: yeah really, so your hooker went clubbing, whats the big deal? "buy" another one
Ehsan: the point is the guy is poor too.
Sobchak: You should meet a girl at a club and then take her around a hooker to make THEM jealous
Ehsan: Well, not as poor as me.
chickenrising: Yeah
Sobchak: then they'll lower their prices, and boom you're so in dogg get it
Ehsan: But It's an investment, they rent the limo they rent the hookers, it's normally a group of guys, and they use the hookers to look good and get sluts who are home wreckers all attracted.
chickenrising: You pay to hooker to go with you to the club, find some skank to sleep with you there, and make the hooker watch!
MudRat: you should be rich after all that drink-bumming
Ehsan: Hookers cost like $150 an hour.
Ehsan: Sluts are free, you can call the slut over and over after the first night.
Ehsan: It's gives you reaccuring ass.
MudRat: they're not free when you're paying a hooker to get them, idiot
chickenrising: Yeah. But why have the hookers than?
Sobchak: So you're paying a hooker 150 an hour to not sleep with them
Ehsan: The hooker is an investment for future booty calls.
MudRat: you're paying a hooker 150 an hour to possibly sleep with a different slut
chickenrising: ohh
Ehsan: It's called an escort.
Sobchak: So you're banking on MORE than a one night stand
chickenrising: So women find a man with hookers attractive
Ehsan: Escorts
Sobchak: resrcrorts
Sobchak: said Scooby Doo
chickenrising: Yes, an escort is the legal term for, "hooker"
Ehsan: The word is escorts, i want to make sure you understand it's not a $20 buck blow job they are buying.
Ehsan: Some of these hoes only do dates and don't fuck.
Ehsan: Like you pay them to just look good.
chickenrising: that sounds like a gip
Ehsan: Trust me they look amazing.
Ehsan: Well the fuckin models that have sex are a couple of Gs a night.
MudRat: yeah that sounds like all that is supposed to be good about a hooker taken away
chickenrising: Wouldn't that intimidate skanks at the club though?
Ehsan: Like that govener in new york did.
Ehsan: No they like a challange.
MudRat: thats like, hey I'll buy a beer but just give me the bottle.
MudRat: because it makes me look like I drink.
Ehsan: You're supposed to look at them and smile and stuff.
MudRat: which will hopefully get someone to shout me another
chickenrising: Okay
Sobchak: lol
Sobchak: I wonder if it works other places too
Ehsan: Dude I do the same thing with a friends i have, I'll dance with them act all cozy and smile at other girls, it works.
Sobchak: dudes renting hookers and taking them to a grocery store
chickenrising: But couldnt you look at them and smile and stuff without the escort?
Sobchak: or the airport
Sobchak: parent teacher conferences
Sobchak: Bitches love the challenge
Ehsan: Yes chicken, but some idiot alone at a club smiling isn't the same if you have a girl with you.
Ehsan: Dude wtf chicken, this isn't hard to understand.
chickenrising: Then it's an idiot who paid an escort smiling at you
Ehsan: They don't know it's an escort.
chickenrising: Why wouldn't they?
chickenrising: LEts look at it from their point of view
Sobchak: If there's one thing I've learned from Ehsan
Ehsan: .........................................................................................................................
chickenrising: They see you with a woman way hotter than they are
Sobchak: it's that girls in Miami sound pretty dumb
chickenrising: And you trying to flirt with them
Sobchak: so I believe them not thinking it's an escort
Ehsan: Sobchak has been leanring!
chickenrising: The only conclusion they can draw is: That is either his sister or a hooker"
Ehsan: Also beautiful women in miami isn't something speical.
Ehsan: A girl with a brain in miami is a unique.
chickenrising: It is a unique.
Ehsan: whatever i'm from miami too, i'm the smartest we have.
Sobchak: lol
chickenrising: I am sure that isn't true
MudRat: I'm going to find the best escort possible to come with me to the dry cleaners
Sobchak: He's a renaissance man in Miami
chickenrising: lol
Sobchak: pay them to fold your laundry
Ehsan: How many scientists you think come from miami?
chickenrising: Miami is the fucking dark ages
Sobchak: and smile at other girls
chickenrising: Just 1.: Ehsan
MudRat: not even that, I just want the dry cleaners to know that I'm an incredible client
Ehsan: You know why the smartest in this country come from the lamest places, they ain't shit to do.
chickenrising: I can't wait to post this in stories from vent
Ehsan: You don't feel shame in the fact you pretended you went clubing, and outted yourself by the beer comment?
chickenrising: When did I pretend to go clubbing?
chickenrising: I never stated I went clubbing.
Ehsan: I mean vent isn't highschool, i don't think anyone would have given a shit if you didn't know what the inside of a club looked like.
MudRat: Ehsan, you're attacking chicken because we've shown you the sillyness of your ways
Ehsan: We've
Ehsan: ?
Sobchak: The American taxpayers
Ehsan: Who's we've/
chickenrising: We've as in, your mom has a sick hair weave.
MudRat: what are you on ehsan, what don't you understand
Ehsan: THe only other person in vent that has been clubbing is sobchak, cause he hasn't made a fool of himself yet.
chickenrising: Yes, clubbers never make fools of themselves.
Sobchak: Clearly you've never seen me at a club
Ehsan: You two kind of don't know wtf you're taking about.
Ehsan: an acted like you have.
Sobchak: I call my method of dancing The Spiderweb
Ehsan: I did once sobchak, i was impressed.
chickenrising: Ehsan, is the I.Q test to get into clubs hard?
chickenrising: I would like to go some time
Sobchak: because when I get on the dance floor I act like I've just walked through a spiderweb, start hitting myself real hard
chickenrising: lol
Ehsan: No but when you show up and can't get in, it wasn't cause of your IQ.
MudRat: I could easily prove it, but why would I do that. I could just hire an escort to do it for me, or better yet watch while I do it.
chickenrising: Is it because I tried to sneak a hooker in also?
Ehsan: sneak?
chickenrising: Like, hide a hooker in your coat
Ehsan: Again wtf are you talking about.
Sobchak: haha chicken
Ehsan: It's not a movie theater.
Sobchak: hahah
MudRat: Ehsan, do you steal people's hookers like you steal their drinks
Ehsan: I wish i did.
MudRat: do you "take a sip" of someone else's hooker?
MudRat: you're trash, man.
Ehsan: I would if the opportunity presented it self.
Sobchak: I believe hookers in miami to be dripping with skank.
Ehsan: They're dripping with something else too.
MudRat: with beer.
Sobchak: they ooze pussystink
MudRat: it attracts the hot hoes
Sobchak: it's chick stinkbait
Ehsan: You know when i'm old and i have money, i wouldn't mind it.
Sobchak: a fisherman's favorite
MudRat: lol, I bet there's an "escort" chain store called "Hot Hoes"
Ehsan: I'm sure there is.
MudRat: I know there is, because I hired an escort to go with me to the escort store so that I can score a better escort
MudRat: thats the way of things.
chickenrising: Nice
chickenrising: Get some escort contacts for later
Ehsan: Again i'm amazed you don't understand that women want what other women have.
Sobchak: Do escorts have twitter accounts?
chickenrising: Ehsan, do you feel you're not attractive enough to get a women without a hooker on your arm?
Ehsan: I bet they do.
Sobchak: shit I know they do
Sobchak: a girl I went to high school with is a porn star now and she's got a twitter.
chickenrising: Do any clubs have a no hooker policy?
Ehsan: Nice one chicken, funny how you've never put a pic of yourself on the forums.
chickenrising: I have before
Sobchak: He has.
MudRat: actually, he has
Ehsan: Link it.
Sobchak: Is it in faces of qual?
Ehsan: Cause it must be hidden in that thread only 3 people can see.
MudRat: I thought it was
chickenrising: I dont remember
Sobchak: Chicken looks like a young Orson Welles
chickenrising: I have fat cheeks.
chickenrising: Don't comment on my cheeks, ehsan
MudRat: he looks like a young Robert Falcon Scott
Sobchak: The search function on Selkath is so terrible
chickenrising: I know
Ehsan: sseriously lol i can't find it.
Sobchak: I think Faces of Qual got deleted...
Sobchak: I'm looking at all of Qual's topics created and it only goes to October 2009
chickenrising: wait
Ehsan:
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=1475
chickenrising: was it in shenanigans?
Ehsan: foun it
Sobchak: Fuckin Thaed made it
Sobchak: No wonder
Ehsan: the picture of young betty still shocks me
Sobchak: Fox with his damn cowboy hat
Sobchak: fuckin fox
Ehsan: weird, lots of the pics are gone.
Ehsan: I remeber there were lots more pics.
Sobchak: lol mudrat's on here
chickenrising: Yeah. Imagine hosting sites take the pictures down after awhile
Ehsan: camel jockey
Sobchak: salo looks like one of them metrosexicals
MudRat: totes jockeying that camel
Ehsan: The classic bathroom picture.
chickenrising: Mudrat looks like an outdoorsman
Ehsan: I think people take those pics in the bathroom cause they are too embarrased to take self pics in the open.
Ehsan: Like so nobody walks in on them being narasistic
MudRat: I'm not worried about that
MudRat: I just want people to see how good my camera is
Sobchak: Hey, my pic is a bathroom pic
Ehsan: I like how kaheynu's pic was removed due to violation.
chickenrising: I take pictures while I'm shitting
Sobchak: noice
Ehsan: well chicken link a pic of yourself.
chickenrising: ... it's a bathroom pic
chickenrising: And I dont know hwere it is
MudRat: Ehsan, he'll never do it until you get a good escort
Ehsan: on your harddrive?
chickenrising: nope
MudRat: because you look like a commoner without a hot babe beside you
Ehsan: Do you have a facebook?
chickenrising: It was taken years ago, back in the time of computer #2
chickenrising: No
Ehsan: You can link the pics without friending people.
Ehsan: You have only one picture of yourself and it was taken years ago?
chickenrising: I posted 1 picture of myself
chickenrising: And I dont often post pictures of my self online
chickenrising: Maybe I am just not narcassitic enough
A Sneaky Ithorian: I have the best avatar in Selkath
A Sneaky Ithorian: Chickens is the only one that comes remotley close
Ehsan: Whatever, don't rag on other people's ability to pick up girls or their looks or whatever, if your shit ass ugly to only have one picture of yourself, which appenrenly was so bad you decided to lock it away.
A Sneaky Ithorian: and I found that one too
chickenrising: lol
chickenrising: Okay ehsan, I wont
Sobchak: I have the best.
chickenrising: So how bout them Heat?
Sobchak: boba fett in a supreme jacket?
Sobchak: Unbeatable
MudRat: nah, chicken was rockin ehsan, you're just not exclusive enough to see the pics
chickenrising: There is a secret forum with just pics of me.
Ehsan: Them Heat have more hot hoes in their locker room then you'll ever see in your life in Utah.
chickenrising: lol
MudRat: I doubt that
MudRat: they're losers
chickenrising: Can't play a lick of basketball though
Sobchak: haha
MudRat: a team of lesbians
