stories from vent

[fallenchicken]

Sigmarsson: get any compliments on the new hoodie lol
fallenchicken: yes
fallenchicken: "I like your hoodie"
Sigmarsson: awesome
Sigmarsson: lol
Sigmarsson: did you get his number
Sigmarsson: his name was jerome
fallenchicken: lol no I didn't have the courage to ask
Sigmarsson: big black men are rather intimidating
fallenchicken: yeah i think he was a black panther
fallenchicken: or a gangster
Sigmarsson: you better get whatever you can while that brand new scent is still there
fallenchicken: yeah for sure
fallenchicken: I think i got about another week with it
Sigmarsson: when you get something new clothing thats like really nice all the colors are bright and shit and everyone notices
fallenchicken: then it looses its sex appeal
Sigmarsson: thats right
Sigmarsson: so that whole week you just have to go all out
Sigmarsson: get as much as you can
fallenchicken: happens to every piece of clothing
Sigmarsson: yep
Sigmarsson: i got 8 lays when i got my new shoes
fallenchicken: I will where it Mon, thur, and friday
fallenchicken: 8!?
Sigmarsson: yes sure
Sigmarsson: all black
Sigmarsson: dont wash the hoodie
Sigmarsson: after the first wash its uhhh
Sigmarsson: faded already
Sigmarsson: careful taking it off
Sigmarsson: looses the stretch and elasticity
Sigmarsson: hell just keep it on all week
Sigmarsson: only take your pants off for sex, hoodie stays on
fallenchicken: thats the idea
fallenchicken: yeah havnt washed it yet
fallenchicken: only wore it once
fallenchicken: the first wear was to break it in
fallenchicken: this second wear should be amazing
Sigmarsson: yeh for sure
fallenchicken: head turning
Sigmarsson: oh hell yeah
Sigmarsson: everyone's eyes will be on you
Sigmarsson: and vaginas
Sigmarsson: man of the hour
Sigmarsson: just go to the bar and youll get free drinks
Sigmarsson: bouncer will say, hey man, thats a nice sweater
Sigmarsson: and you just brush it off all cool like "Yeah I know, thanks"
fallenchicken: hell yeah
fallenchicken: maybe ill get a new haircut
fallenchicken: might to much
fallenchicken: new hooide+new haircut
fallenchicken: dont want to overload
fallenchicken: could backfire
Sigmarsson: no keep the hair how it is
Sigmarsson: you dont want the hair stealing the hoodies thunder
fallenchicken: next week i will get the haircut
fallenchicken: this way when the hoodie looses its new, the hair will take over
Sigmarsson: yes careful not to be too soon though
Sigmarsson: get new shit every week and people will tire of complimenting you
fallenchicken: thats true
fallenchicken: but i dont tire of it
Sigmarsson: you dont, they do
fallenchicken: I like attention sig
fallenchicken: I like pretending i dont notice
fallenchicken: but i notice
fallenchicken: i can see your eyes, girl
Sigmarsson: unless you carefully time your trips so you dont go to the same place time at around the same time you usually do
fallenchicken: mmmhmmm
Sigmarsson: like go to the mall at 2pm during the week, next week for the haircut you go at night
Sigmarsson: i hear ya chicken
Sigmarsson: i hear ya
fallenchicken: not bad
Sigmarsson: i see what you're playing, act like you dont feed off their attention
Sigmarsson: but you love it
fallenchicken: oh i love it
fallenchicken: and act like you dont notice it
Sigmarsson: and they think youre so cool, oh wow what a hottie he doesnt even notice me
fallenchicken: and it drives them mad
fallenchicken: exactly
fallenchicken: but you do notice them
Sigmarsson: yup just ignore girls every where you go
fallenchicken: the only problem this creates
fallenchicken: is it makes it hard to make a move
Sigmarsson: they say hey how are you
fallenchicken: because they put you on the pedistal
fallenchicken: and when you talk to them you dissapoint
Sigmarsson: you just mumble hey, you dont even answer their question
fallenchicken: dont even take off your headphones
fallenchicken: nod and keep walking
Sigmarsson: ya but when you see them at the club
Sigmarsson: and they recognize you like hey thats that guy!
Sigmarsson: you can just walk up and make love to them
Sigmarsson: no questions asked
Sigmarsson: bam like that
Sigmarsson: you're in the yard, gates open
fallenchicken: but see
fallenchicken: what we are trying to accomplish is making girls, slightly out of our legue even, think we are out of theirs
fallenchicken: and we must try to get them to approach us
fallenchicken: the lower leaguer always must make the move
Sigmarsson: its such a clever game
Sigmarsson: exactly
Sigmarsson: they come to us
Sigmarsson: why do you think i work out so much
Sigmarsson: it adds 12 steps to where i am on the league ladder
Sigmarsson: by having muscle i keep 3/10 women from talking to me because im out of their league
Sigmarsson: so the results i get are twice as good
Sigmarsson: speaking of results
Sigmarsson: last night i got 0 numbers
Sigmarsson: but many women saw me, and now im inside their head
'A Sneaky Ithorian' has joined the chat.
Sigmarsson: now they have a mental picture of me implanted in their brain, and the next time they see me in a crowd its omfg there he is!
fallenchicken: you are a wise man sig
fallenchicken: exactly
fallenchicken: in the head is the first step to in their bed
fallenchicken: write that down, sneaky
Sigmarsson: being a good poet like you is step 2!
fallenchicken: exactly
fallenchicken: girls love poets
fallenchicken: artists
Sigmarsson: love them!
fallenchicken: be a little bit unstable
fallenchicken: bipolar is attractive
fallenchicken: and have taste in art
Sigmarsson: call yourself a painture, a designer, an "artiste" emphasis on the I
fallenchicken: if they ask you to go see a movie
fallenchicken: talk to them about art house movies
fallenchicken: they wont understand what you are talking about, but they will nod and pretend they do
Sigmarsson: why go to the movies when you can go to a museum!
fallenchicken: BOOm
fallenchicken: or go back to my place and watch soviet cinema of 1923
Sigmarsson: i just put in a blank dvd and let the screen sit black
fallenchicken: haha'
fallenchicken: 3 hours later
Sigmarsson: then we imagine what the movie is and make the noise ourselves
fallenchicken: wow such a beutiful film
fallenchicken: what did you think?
Sigmarsson: outstanding, the film captived my soul and went deeper into my heart like no other film has before
fallenchicken: and im about to go deeper into you then no man has
fallenchicken: boom
fallenchicken: its done
fallenchicken: your in
Sigmarsson: just like that
Sigmarsson: thats all there is to it
fallenchicken: and she is probably 7/10 to an 8/10
fallenchicken: the process is tougher for 9/10s
Sigmarsson: well worth it though
fallenchicken: yes
fallenchicken: but you can never score a complete 10
Sigmarsson: takes extra time because you have to do the 3rd date thing
Sigmarsson: whichi s going down to the park to feel the trees
fallenchicken: because in order for a girl to be a 10/10, they must be untouchable
Sigmarsson: embracing a tree for an hour
fallenchicken: its a catch-22
Sigmarsson: well you can still kind of do something with a 10er
Sigmarsson: like in that movie with sylvester stallone and sandra bullock
Sigmarsson: virtual reality sex machine
fallenchicken: cant have them
fallenchicken: minute you have them they become a 9
fallenchicken: Catch mother fucking 22
fallenchicken: a paradox
Sigmarsson: one of lifes great flaws
fallenchicken: its like a famous actress, lets say Emma Watson.She is a 10
Sigmarsson: they only way to fix it is to make the perfect woman
Sigmarsson: an 11
fallenchicken: well there is a girl at my coffe shop who looks just like her
Sigmarsson: so all 10's are touchable
fallenchicken: but she is only an 8
Sigmarsson: lazy eye?
fallenchicken: no
fallenchicken: because i can have her
fallenchicken: I cant have emma watson
fallenchicken: see?
Sigmarsson: where did she lose 2 points though
fallenchicken: because i can have her
fallenchicken: she lost it because she exists in the realm of possibility
Sigmarsson: there must be a way to warp emma into this realm
fallenchicken: if you did she would become an 8-9
fallenchicken: and would loose a point after sec
fallenchicken: sex*
fallenchicken: granted she would get it back the following morning
Sigmarsson: maybe if you set a rake on fire and took it to her face
Sigmarsson: i think all women lose a few points after sex
fallenchicken: yes they do
fallenchicken: you have seen all there is to see

[isgrelindisguise]

I am a fizzle.

[Qual]

[quote=""isgrelindisguise""]I am a fizzle.[/quote]
I really liked your contribution to the above exchange.

And I really like your skin.

[Ethite]

Ok, thanks Grel and Sobchak.

I'm out

[pano]

[size=99px]Guys!! check out this hot cyber i hadz with snugglez!!
[/size]
Snuggs: Sir Wetsthebedalot.
salo: How did you know?!
Snuggs: i know all
Snuggs: remember that time i was hiding in your bed?
Snuggs: it was damp
salo: lol, found a wet patch?
salo: I have news...
Snuggs: oh?
salo: THAT WASN'T URINE!!
Snuggs: habanba
Snuggs: lol wtf?
salo: habanba?
Snuggs: habana banana!
salo: I feel like posting that in stories from vent
salo: habanba
Snuggs: my fingers have gone kerraaazy!
Snuggs: theyre all over the shop!
Snuggs: lol
salo: and to think...
Snuggs: i dont think ive featured in the stories from vent tjhread
Snuggs: im not funny enough
salo: chicken had a go at me for typing where instead of were
Snuggs: or pathetic enough
Snuggs: depending on how you look at it
Snuggs: lol
salo: Snuggles
Snuggs: yep
Snuggs: thats me
salo: Do you want me to pop your 'stories from vent' cherry?
Snuggs: lol its ok
salo: come on, baby
Snuggs: knock yourself out
Snuggs: you just want to show everyone this convo we had, alone together.
salo: about my damp bed
Snuggs: you'll be all like, check out this hot cyber i hadz with snugglez
salo: DAMP FROM TEARS

[badfo]

*** You have been reconnected to the server ***
'lovebus' has joined the chat.
'ebado' has joined the chat.
'lovebus' has left the chat.

[lovebus]

[quote=""ebado""]*** You have been reconnected to the server ***
'lovebus' has joined the chat.
'ebado' has joined the chat.
'lovebus' has left the chat.[/quote]


it's because im not invited to the new forum!!

actually, its becuase im tryin to update itunes which is goin 4kb per sec of a 93 mb update. fucking broadband card.

[Sigmarsson]

*** You have been reconnected to the server ***
'Sigmarsson' has joined the chat.
'ebado' has joined the chat.
'ebado' has left the chat.

[Retocov]

[quote=""lovebus""][quote=""ebado""]*** You have been reconnected to the server ***
'lovebus' has joined the chat.
'ebado' has joined the chat.
'lovebus' has left the chat.[/quote]


it's because im not invited to the new forum!!

actually, its becuase im tryin to update itunes which is goin 4kb per sec of a 93 mb update. fucking broadband card.[/quote]



No but seriously... i feel your pain.

[Sobchak]

Sobchak: "You win again, gravity!"
Sobchak: quality.
salo: haha
salo: You're the first person to comment on that.
Sobchak: I've often admired it, from afar.
salo: aw shucks
salo: *blush*
Sobchak: *throws salo into a pile of leaves*
Sobchak: *wrestles around boyishly*
Sobchak: hehehaha! hehehaha!
salo: *accidental kiss*
salo: *promise not to tell anyone*
Snuggs: lol

[Pewps]

[quote=""Sobchak""]Sobchak: "You win again, gravity!"
Sobchak: quality.
salo: haha
salo: You're the first person to comment on that.
Sobchak: I've often admired it, from afar.
salo: aw shucks
salo: *blush*
Sobchak: *throws salo into a pile of leaves*
Sobchak: *wrestles around boyishly*
Sobchak: hehehaha! hehehaha!
salo: *accidental kiss*
salo: *promise not to tell anyone*
Snuggs: lol[/quote]

I laff.

[Sobchak]

A Sneaky Ithorian: chak
A Sneaky Ithorian: you gotta put up another censor
A Sneaky Ithorian: change the phrase "fuck baseball" to "Fuck Aussie Football"
Snuggs: lol
Sobchak: lol, the other mods would probably scold me and delete it
A Sneaky Ithorian: do it anyway
A Sneaky Ithorian: for me
Snuggs: ebado wont care, but salo might bitch like a girl.
Snuggs: so its extra funny
A Sneaky Ithorian: Ebado won't care.
Thaed: Thaed approves.
Snuggs: well youve got the thaed go-ahead sobchak. thats all you need.
Sobchak: K, go try it.
Thaed: Also a few government approvals, but I'll take care of that for you. Also, I'll need your banking details. That Arabian Prince said he'd give yours to me for you, but he hasn't logged on in a while.
A Sneaky Ithorian: does it have to be in all caps?
Sobchak: yep
Sobchak: just because that's the meme, I don't want people talking about baseball casually to have to suffer the censor
A Sneaky Ithorian: LOL

[quote=""isgrelindisguise""]FUCK THAED[/quote]

[Thaed]

*Feels honored*

[Qual]

What the fuck Grel!?

Australian Football is more important to me (and on a lesser note, salo. His team characteristically lacks passion) than most people on this planet.

Don't push me. Cause I am close to the edge.

[Thaed]

'BlueFish/Ravager' has left the chat.
salo: don't forget to ring the bell!
Snuggs: bye
Snuggs: damn
salo: damn
Snuggs: fuck you rav!!!

[pano]

[quote=""Thaed""]'BlueFish/Ravager' has left the chat.
salo: don't forget to ring the bell!
Snuggs: bye
Snuggs: damn
salo: damn
Snuggs: fuck you rav!!![/quote]
Better?

Sobchak: alright. Now goodnight!
Snuggs: *pinch pinch*
'Sobchak' has left the chat.
Qual: goodnight sobchak
salo: NIGHT
Snuggs: bye chak
Snuggs: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Qual: fucker
salo: FUCK YOU FAGGOT

[BlueFish]

[quote=""salo_pano""][quote=""Thaed""]'BlueFish/Ravager' has left the chat.
salo: don't forget to ring the bell!
Snuggs: bye
Snuggs: damn
salo: damn
Snuggs: fuck you rav!!![/quote]
Better?

Sobchak: alright. Now goodnight!
Snuggs: *pinch pinch*
'Sobchak' has left the chat.
Qual: goodnight sobchak
salo: NIGHT
Snuggs: bye chak
Snuggs: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Qual: fucker
salo: FUCK YOU FAGGOT[/quote]

I laughed at both. Sorry Snuggs, I don't wait for anyone. Not even Brainzilla.

[badfo]

ebado: My defense against the Mormon hate is that I like the show "Big Love"
Snuggs: haha
ebado: Which is about as genuine as using "I had a black roommate" when talking about racism.
Snuggs: indeed
ebado: I did have a black roommate. I can't be racist.
Snuggs: ive never had any black friends
ebado: You must be racist.
Snuggs: i AM!!

[badfo]

Previously on Vent...
Sigmarsson: hey ebado, lovebus was on earlier
Sigmarsson: i gotta say what you did was cool
Snuggs: ?
Sigmarsson: sometimes i think you are a bit of a dick, but maybe i was wrong about you
ebado: What did I do?
Sigmarsson: you added lovebus to your facebook of course
ebado: No, I didn't.
Sigmarsson: well he seems to think you did
ebado: I like lovebus, but he thinks I don't.
Sigmarsson: if i tell him its not you i think it will break his heart
ebado: Let us not break his heart.
ebado: And I'm only a dick to Ehsan. The rest doesn't exist. Shrouds of invisibility and such.

Later...
lovebus: e bay do
lovebus: thanks for adding me to FB. everyone else is a pussy and thinks the FBI is watching my friend list or something
Sigmarsson: well i think it's wonderful that you have such a physical relationship with your car
Sigmarsson: yeah good job ebado
Sigmarsson: *pats ebado on back*
ebado: Sig...
ebado: I feel horrible.
lovebus: cause of me?
Sigmarsson: you're a nice guy, whats their to feel bad about?
ebado: lovebus....
ebado: sig....
ebado: I'm conflicted.
lovebus: im confused. again.
lovebus: whatsa matta
Sigmarsson: i said it was probably ebado
Sigmarsson: im guessing ebado isn't 5 foot 8
ebado: ...
ebado: I don't want to break anymore hearts.
lovebus: he has like 177 friends on FB. i try to keep mine under 50
lovebus: you gonna remove me already?
Sigmarsson: woa thats alot of friends
Sigmarsson: ebado you live in canada right?
ebado: I can't do this.
lovebus: fucking spit it out man.
ebado: Sig....
Sigmarsson: i think ebado is like 6 foot 8 lovebus
lovebus: so?
Sigmarsson: the guy that added you is 5 foot 8
ebado: I can't watch...
lovebus: i hate fucking waiting for someone to give an explaination to wtf they're talkin aboot
Snuggs: ebado didnt add you to facebook
ebado: !
Sigmarsson: unless ebado shrunk a foot that cant be him
lovebus: god knows it wasnt you snuggs.
Sigmarsson: well thats really weird though, a real mystery
Snuggs: nope, it would not be me
Sigmarsson: no idea who it could be then
Snuggs: i think sig is upset and offended
ebado: I'm sorry, bus.
lovebus: yeah, i would like to know you, therefore i am dangerous and must be avoided at all costs!! RUN AWAY
Snuggs: that you thought he was ebado
lovebus: aboot wat
ebado: ABout it not being me.
Sigmarsson: i think its sobchak
ebado: Sobchak is Canadian, right?
Sigmarsson: thats what i heard.
lovebus: well who was it?
ebado: lovebus....
ebado: It was...
ebado: I can't do this.
lovebus: im a bitch here arent i
Sigmarsson: what does he look like lovebus
Sigmarsson: lanky wrists?
Sigmarsson: could be ehsan
lovebus: http://www.facebook.com/james.sobottka?ref=mf
lovebus: thats who added me
Sigmarsson: holy hot grandma batman
ebado: Woah
ebado: I know someone at Selkath is named James...
lovebus: he's a jew
Sigmarsson: james777?
lovebus: james wasnt on when i put my profile on
'A Sneaky Ithorian' has joined the chat.
ebado: A Canadian named James who is into bodybuilding
Snuggs: exgrelliarmus!
ebado: I don't know who it could be.
Sigmarsson: me neither, this is rattling my brain
lovebus: so i know why sig doesnt do facebook, why dont the rest of you either use it or want me to be a part of yours. honestly. believe me truth dont hurt me
Sigmarsson: im going to stick with sobchak though
A Sneaky Ithorian: Snuggs! and friends
lovebus: higrel
Sigmarsson: ya i dont use facebook, lamers
Snuggs: /facepalm
Snuggs: i give up
ebado: Grel, was Sobchak a Canadian bodybuilder when you met?
lovebus: give up on what?
A Sneaky Ithorian: Nope. Perpetually Oregonian
Sigmarsson: James has to go to class now, bye
'Sigmarsson' has left the chat.
lovebus: im old and new to your hip sideswiping ways
lovebus: all lies
lovebus: surrounded by fucking liars
ebado: lovebus, who could it be?
lovebus: i dunno. dont care. i give people about 2 weeks to post or comment or i remove them
ebado: Wait, what does Sigmarsson mean wyen he said "James has to go to class now, bye"
lovebus: that he is the one who added me?
A Sneaky Ithorian: lol
ebado: Wait...
ebado: He is Canadian. He is a bodybuilder....
ebado: OH FUCK. His name is James, too!
ebado: I'm sorry, slubus. It was his idea.

[Sobchak]

Holy shit, that was like watching an episode of Blue's Clues.

[lovebus]

i hate you guys

[Tamerlane]

[quote=""lovebus""]i ate you guys[/quote]

nom nom

[lovebus]

fat jokes? rly?

[Pewps]

[quote=""lovebus""]fat jokes? rly?[/quote]

Don't listen to what the other say. I appreciate you, lovebus.

[Sigmarsson]

Hi I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite thread on Selkath.