The first Official Selkath.com Competition.

[JensenBakura]

[quote=""Ghangis""]It was a lazy day for Baraja. He had gotten so bored that he decided to order a giant fan, place it outside his window, then stand behind it whilst holding his giant blue ass-cheeks open. The absolutely foul stench then blew all the way throughout Coruscant, stopping everybody in their tracks. Soon every building was filled to capacity and not a soul was seen wandering the streets.

His tight ass-hole had soon become so dry that a brown liquid started to drip from it. This didn't bother Baraja however, he had already fallen asleep. The liquid continued to drip and drip, until the carpet was completely soaked in his own ass-juices. He woke suddenly, and noticed the mess. He removed his hands from clenching his ass, and started to cry in his own humiliation. He knew that his lover, Gertrude, was soon to come over. There was no way he could hide the mess before she arrived. He was doomed.

In the corner, drenched in a foul brown liquid and crying, Baraja sat. He could hear his lover walking up the steps, with a knock at the door soon following. "Baraja Boo, honey, it's me" Gertrude yelled, "It's me baby, open the door!" He continued to sit in his own tears and scat. "I know you're in there, you big blue fuck!" She continued to yell. He eventually realized that he had to open the door and confront his fears. So he slowly started to stand up, with fear beating in his heart.

Suddenly he slipped on his juices and fell, busting his jaw right open. Now, not only was he drenched in shame, but in blood and pain. Everything seemed to go white for him at that moment. He was dying, and had no one to blame but himself.[/quote]

Some clarifications:

1) Your avatar is awesome.

2) I am not, I repeat NOT, into scat-fiction. Nor does every entry have to be pornographic.

3) The Ortolan doesn't have to be baraja.

4) At 301 words, you're over the limit. Pending your permission, I have omitted the word in red to bring it within the competition rules. Hopefully my edit hasn't dramatically changed your original vision.

[Ghangis]

Regardless, that is still a work of art. And my word counter said 300.

[kaheynu]

[quote=""Ghangis""]Regardless, that is still a work of art. And my word counter said 300.[/quote]

You have a word counter??

Shit, I had to go through and count by hand.

I can't compete with this newfangled technology.

[JensenBakura]

I'm closing this competition on Monday, bitches. (If you are a girl ignore the word "bitches" - that's not how I roll).

Get your stories in pronto.

Which sounds similar to "bronto".

Does anyone else carry around scars from their childhood when they announced that Brontosaurus wasn't a real dinosaur back in the early 90's?

Completely ripped the heart out of the lore - every Land before Time after the first one sucked.

[Bluestone]

[quote=""JensenBakura""]they announced that Brontosaurus wasn't a real dinosaur back in the early 90's.[/quote]

Lies!

[Qual]

Holy crap Monday!

Better get thinking...

[JensenBakura]

[quote=""Bluestone""][quote=""JensenBakura""]they announced that Brontosaurus wasn't a real dinosaur back in the early 90's.[/quote]

Lies![/quote]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brontosaur ... ar_culture

[Bluestone]

Wikipedia is a lie.

[JensenBakura]

[quote=""Bluestone""]Wikipedia is a lie.[/quote]

My hope that you'd post an entry was a lie.

[Bluestone]

[quote=""JensenBakura""][quote=""Bluestone""]Wikipedia is a lie.[/quote]

My hope that you'd post an entry was a lie.[/quote]

You won't be able to handle my story telling.

[BlueElephantKung-Fu]

I'm not sure if it has to be serious or not, so I'll go ahead and do one first and a funniez one later.

Serious:

Nal Hutta; right after the breaking of the mando blockade, Baraja spend his new found fortune on women, alcohol, and Pazaak, the rest he waisted. "God how I love Twi'leks"- murmured Baraja as he spend his last hard earned credits on a Twilek dancer. The Twi'lek dancer realising the time was up tried to leave, Baraja, slightly infatuated by the young beauty, grabbed her by the arm with his trunk and sat her on her lap. The Twi'lek spewed a couple of profanities in her native language, Baraja smiled and said: 'I thought you told me you liked my eyes, zorra(ortolan for slut)'

Moments after finishing his sentence Baraja feels a blow to the neck, he blacks out, and wakes up in a stinking mud pool in front of the club he was sitting in: 'Libreria'. The bouncer, a trandoshan, which Baraja called 'Trando' with certain disdain, as he himself implied, that trando besides referring to trandoshan also implied any being in the galaxy that was too ugly to fuck while looking in the face even if they promise to bury you in creds afterwards.

"You better get away you drunk, broke, fat ortolan" said the trandoshan bouncer. "The 3 things you mentioned can be solved, but you being but fuck ugly is going with you to your grave" replied Baraja, the bouncer in a fit of rage, started beating Baraja. The Ortolan putting up little to no resistance limited himself to offending the bouncer with each worth that came out of his mouth. "I can only imagine how ugly your mother is, but I'm pretty sure even the hutts are beauty queens compared to her" said Baraja just when the Trando decided to stop beating him, but when hearing him, he pulled out a blaster decided to shoot that sorry drunk. "Wow that's like 3 meters or something, you sure you're good enough with a blaster to shoot an ortolan at that distance?"-said Baraja to goad him one final time.

A second before the Trando pulled the trigger he got shot in the back of the head, the trando dropped dead on the floor, with smoke still coming out of the back of his head. A beautiful red headed woman in Manalorian armour held a smoking blaster. "Griselda"- whispered Baraja. "You missed me you blue chunk of fat"- replied the red headed woman. "Griselda, you call me fat, but by fat you mean breath takingly good looking, I know you have a thing for blue"- he shouted with lust in his eyes. "I can see why you never get to mate, if that was your best attempt at hitting at a female. Now get yourself up, I have a mission for you"- Said Griselda while turning around. "What kind of mission?" asked Baraja. "Practical suicide"- replied Griselda with a somewhat lowered voice.

"Suicide? well my life isn't all that great. Besides what more could an ortolan wish for than to die with a full stomach while looking at the glorious chest of Griselda?" -Replied baraja in a satirical fashion. "Touch me with one of your trunks and I'll kick your ass into hyper space"-replied Griselda slightly annoyed. "it would be worth it"-whispered Baraja as the pair walked off to her space ship.

[BlueElephantKung-Fu]

I'm not sure If it was any good or not but I haven't had sleep since Wednesday, I will post the orange tree ninja ortolan version later on.

[JensenBakura]

[quote=""BlueElephantKung-Fu""]I'm not sure if it has to be serious or not, so I'll go ahead and do one first and a funniez one later.

Serious:

Nal Hutta; right after the breaking of the mando blockade, Baraja spend his new found fortune on women, alcohol, and Pazaak, the rest he waisted. "God how I love Twi'leks"- murmured Baraja as he spend his last hard earned credits on a Twilek dancer. The Twi'lek dancer realising the time was up tried to leave, Baraja, slightly infatuated by the young beauty, grabbed her by the arm with his trunk and sat her on her lap. The Twi'lek spewed a couple of profanities in her native language, Baraja smiled and said: 'I thought you told me you liked my eyes, zorra(ortolan for slut)'

Moments after finishing his sentence Baraja feels a blow to the neck, he blacks out, and wakes up in a stinking mud pool in front of the club he was sitting in: 'Libreria'. The bouncer, a trandoshan, which Baraja called 'Trando' with certain disdain, as he himself implied, that trando besides referring to trandoshan also implied any being in the galaxy that was too ugly to fuck while looking in the face even if they promise to bury you in creds afterwards.

"You better get away you drunk, broke, fat ortolan" said the trandoshan bouncer. "The 3 things you mentioned can be solved, but you being but fuck ugly is going with you to your grave" replied Baraja, the bouncer in a fit of rage, started beating Baraja. The Ortolan putting up little to no resistance limited himself to offending the bouncer with each worth that came out of his mouth. "I can only imagine how ugly your mother is, but I'm pretty sure even the hutts are beauty queens compared to her" said Baraja just when the Trando decided to stop beating him, but when hearing him, he pulled out a blaster decided to shoot that sorry drunk. "Wow that's like 3 meters or something, you sure you're good enough with a blaster to shoot an ortolan at that distance?"-said Baraja to goad him one final time.

A second before the Trando pulled the trigger he got shot in the back of the head, the trando dropped dead on the floor, with smoke still coming out of the back of his head. A beautiful red headed woman in Manalorian armour held a smoking blaster. "Griselda"- whispered Baraja. "You missed me you blue chunk of fat"- replied the red headed woman. "Griselda, you call me fat, but by fat you mean breath takingly good looking, I know you have a thing for blue"- he shouted with lust in his eyes. "I can see why you never get to mate, if that was your best attempt at hitting at a female. Now get yourself up, I have a mission for you"- Said Griselda while turning around. "What kind of mission?" asked Baraja. "Practical suicide"- replied Griselda with a somewhat lowered voice.

"Suicide? well my life isn't all that great. Besides what more could an ortolan wish for than to die with a full stomach while looking at the glorious chest of Griselda?" -Replied baraja in a satirical fashion. "Touch me with one of your trunks and I'll kick your ass into hyper space"-replied Griselda slightly annoyed. "it would be worth it"-whispered Baraja as the pair walked off to her space ship.[/quote]

That's 543 words - 243 over. I've redded out everything after word 300, so you can see the size you're looking for.

Competition ends on Monday, at 11.59pm GMT.

[BlueElephantKung-Fu]

[quote=""JensenBakura""][quote=""BlueElephantKung-Fu""]I'm not sure if it has to be serious or not, so I'll go ahead and do one first and a funniez one later.

Serious:

Nal Hutta; right after the breaking of the mando blockade, Baraja spend his new found fortune on women, alcohol, and Pazaak, the rest he waisted. "God how I love Twi'leks"- murmured Baraja as he spend his last hard earned credits on a Twilek dancer. The Twi'lek dancer realising the time was up tried to leave, Baraja, slightly infatuated by the young beauty, grabbed her by the arm with his trunk and sat her on her lap. The Twi'lek spewed a couple of profanities in her native language, Baraja smiled and said: 'I thought you told me you liked my eyes, zorra(ortolan for slut)'

Moments after finishing his sentence Baraja feels a blow to the neck, he blacks out, and wakes up in a stinking mud pool in front of the club he was sitting in: 'Libreria'. The bouncer, a trandoshan, which Baraja called 'Trando' with certain disdain, as he himself implied, that trando besides referring to trandoshan also implied any being in the galaxy that was too ugly to fuck while looking in the face even if they promise to bury you in creds afterwards.

"You better get away you drunk, broke, fat ortolan" said the trandoshan bouncer. "The 3 things you mentioned can be solved, but you being but fuck ugly is going with you to your grave" replied Baraja, the bouncer in a fit of rage, started beating Baraja. The Ortolan putting up little to no resistance limited himself to offending the bouncer with each worth that came out of his mouth. "I can only imagine how ugly your mother is, but I'm pretty sure even the hutts are beauty queens compared to her" said Baraja just when the Trando decided to stop beating him, but when hearing him, he pulled out a blaster decided to shoot that sorry drunk. "Wow that's like 3 meters or something, you sure you're good enough with a blaster to shoot an ortolan at that distance?"-said Baraja to goad him one final time.

A second before the Trando pulled the trigger he got shot in the back of the head, the trando dropped dead on the floor, with smoke still coming out of the back of his head. A beautiful red headed woman in Manalorian armour held a smoking blaster. "Griselda"- whispered Baraja. "You missed me you blue chunk of fat"- replied the red headed woman. "Griselda, you call me fat, but by fat you mean breath takingly good looking, I know you have a thing for blue"- he shouted with lust in his eyes. "I can see why you never get to mate, if that was your best attempt at hitting at a female. Now get yourself up, I have a mission for you"- Said Griselda while turning around. "What kind of mission?" asked Baraja. "Practical suicide"- replied Griselda with a somewhat lowered voice.

"Suicide? well my life isn't all that great. Besides what more could an ortolan wish for than to die with a full stomach while looking at the glorious chest of Griselda?" -Replied baraja in a satirical fashion. "Touch me with one of your trunks and I'll kick your ass into hyper space"-replied Griselda slightly annoyed. "it would be worth it"-whispered Baraja as the pair walked off to her space ship.[/quote]

That's 543 words - 243 over. I've redded out everything after word 300, so you can see the size you're looking for.

Competition ends on Monday, at 11.59pm GMT.[/quote]
You're obviously racist, on a side note, I just posted for the lulz, I like picturing myself as a suicidal drunk blue elephant(only two words differ from reality). Anyhow I'll try to narrow it don amigo.

[JensenBakura]

I like picturing myself as a suicidal drunk.

You and Jessica Grove could have been lovers...

[Qual]

[quote=""JensenBakura""]

I like picturing myself as a suicidal drunk.

You and Jessica Grove could have been lovers...[/quote]

No ice for that burn...

Also: is this still live? Might have a crack in a few hours.

[JensenBakura]

[quote=""Qual""][quote=""JensenBakura""]

I like picturing myself as a suicidal drunk.

You and Jessica Grove could have been lovers...[/quote]

No ice for that burn...

Also: is this still live? Might have a crack in a few hours.[/quote]

Yes, it is live until 11:59pm GMT on Monday, which is 22 hours and 45 minutes away.

[Sobchak]

Fiction or nonfiction?

[kaheynu]

Y'all just bow down to the master already. I got this shit LOCKED UP!

<- but evil villainous

[Volke]

Last Summer, after Jimmy finished administering a good, hot dicking to his Girlfriend. He went to the bathroom to clean up like he always did. However, this time he had to take a shit, so he's about to throw the condom in the toilet and he gets a great idea. He puts four fingers into the open end of the condom and stretches it out. Holding it up to his asshole, he proceeds to shit into the condom. A perfect smooth finely tapered poop. It slide all the way down into the condom. Coming to rest in the pool of ejaculate, and displacing some of if it so that it flows up the side of the turd. Perfect. It fits like a banana in it's skin. Then he looks at his creation, wondering if anything could possibly be more awesome. Then He clips his toenails and drops them in there for good measure. He takes the whole thing, holds the opening over the faucet and starts filling it with warm water. He's thinking of all the great things he could do with his disease balloon. Running all the different scenarios through his head, trying to select the single greatest one. "This will be epic!" He tells himself. He takes it off the tap, it's about the size of a volleyball now. He goes to tie the end, and he has the bit stretched around his fingers, ready to put the tip through the loop and complete the knot, when the motherfucker slips out of grip, the freshly unrolled end was still lubricated. It starts spewing it's payload before it even hits the floor. Landing on his foot, bouncing a little, it then empties onto his white socks. His Girlfriend, who is still in the bed, is startled to hear a loud "FFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK!" emanate from the bathroom. She goes and opens the door to check on him and is greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing in a puddle of shit stew. Staring for a moment, dumbfounded, trying to believe what's happening or not wanting to believe that there is poo, cum and toenails on her floor, walls, mirrors and on him. While her brain tries to register, he slams the door in her face, which seemed to snap her out of her daze. "What the fuck!? What the fuck did you do?!" She screams, like she's about to cry. He felt regret, not for what he did, but for what he could have done. It now smelled, he dries off with her towel then drops it on the floor, covering what part of the mess he could. He puts on his cool face and exits the bathroom, gently shutting the door. His Girlfriend eyes him, He knows she's waiting for an explanation, however he doesn't think she could handle it. So he walks past her without saying thing. He puts on his coat and tells her, "It's getting kind of late. I should get home." She just stares at him with that dumb look on her face. He puts his poo socks in her mailbox and walks home. That was the last time he would hear from her, but he had something better now. A dream, he would make another.


Didn't check length. I don't care.

[JensenBakura]

[quote=""Volke""]Last Summer, after Jimmy finished administering a good, hot dicking to his Girlfriend. He went to the bathroom to clean up like he always did. However, this time he had to take a shit, so he's about to throw the condom in the toilet and he gets a great idea. He puts four fingers into the open end of the condom and stretches it out. Holding it up to his asshole, he proceeds to shit into the condom. A perfect smooth finely tapered poop. It slide all the way down into the condom. Coming to rest in the pool of ejaculate, and displacing some of if it so that it flows up the side of the turd. Perfect. It fits like a banana in it's skin. Then he looks at his creation, wondering if anything could possibly be more awesome. Then He clips his toenails and drops them in there for good measure. He takes the whole thing, holds the opening over the faucet and starts filling it with warm water. He's thinking of all the great things he could do with his disease balloon. Running all the different scenarios through his head, trying to select the single greatest one. "This will be epic!" He tells himself. He takes it off the tap, it's about the size of a volleyball now. He goes to tie the end, and he has the bit stretched around his fingers, ready to put the tip through the loop and complete the knot, when the motherfucker slips out of grip, the freshly unrolled end was still lubricated. It starts spewing it's payload before it even hits the floor. Landing on his foot, bouncing a little, it then empties onto his white socks. His Girlfriend, who is still in the bed, is startled to hear a loud "FFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK!" emanate from the bathroom. She goes and opens the door to check on him and is greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing in a puddle of shit stew. Staring for a moment, dumbfounded, trying to believe what's happening or not wanting to believe that there is poo, cum and toenails on her floor, walls, mirrors and on him. While her brain tries to register, he slams the door in her face, which seemed to snap her out of her daze. "What the fuck!? What the fuck did you do?!" She screams, like she's about to cry. He felt regret, not for what he did, but for what he could have done. It now smelled, he dries off with her towel then drops it on the floor, covering what part of the mess he could. He puts on his cool face and exits the bathroom, gently shutting the door. His Girlfriend eyes him, He knows she's waiting for an explanation, however he doesn't think she could handle it. So he walks past her without saying thing. He puts on his coat and tells her, "It's getting kind of late. I should get home." She just stares at him with that dumb look on her face. He puts his poo socks in her mailbox and walks home. That was the last time he would hear from her, but he had something better now. A dream, he would make another.


Didn't check length. I don't care.[/quote]

[Volke]

Jimmy McPerson isn't a well sung hero. He isn't in any history books, not many people have even heard of him. Some might argue he was never even a documented citizen. However, what can't be argued, is the contributions he brought to this great nation during it's most troubled time: World War 2. It can also be said, without a doubt, that he definitely existed. Young Jimmy knew from the beginning that he was destined for greatness. Born to a young African slave couple, Jimmy grew up in Harlem, in up-state Chicago. Like all colored youth he joined a gang. in order to get his "props." He and the rest of his unnamed gang in Harlem ran the streets with an iron fist. Times were good with him and his bitch; or were they? Time were indeed good, until the Japanese performed a sneak attack on young Jimmy's town, killing his parents instantly. Jimmy swore revenge on all the Japanese, and promised to avenge the death of his parent, who were on the verge of curing cancer. Jimmy couldn't join the army because Martin Luther King Jr. hadn't been born yet and coloreds couldn't join the military. So Jimmy had to form a plan. A deadly plan, for revenge. Using a new name, Jimmy snuck into a Japanese base in Tokyo, and fought off countless samurai and ninjas, until he came face to face with the president of Japan. "President Maximoto! Now you're going to pay!" Jimmy sais, but little did he know that right behind him was Hitler! "Now you must fight us both!" Jimmy fought valiantly, but he was no match for both Hitler and President Japan. With a dying charge, he pushed Hitler out the window, falling with him to death. Jimmy McPerson probably saved the world, because he killed Hitler, and sacrificed himself in the process. However, since Jimmy used a fake name to do battle in China, his story was never revealed to the American public. Thus, Jimmy's efforts will go passed by, unnoticed by time and history.

[JensenBakura]

[quote=""Volke""]Jimmy McPerson isn't a well sung hero. He isn't in any history books, not many people have even heard of him. Some might argue he was never even a documented citizen. However, what can't be argued, is the contributions he brought to this great nation during it's most troubled time: World War 2. It can also be said, without a doubt, that he definitely existed. Young Jimmy knew from the beginning that he was destined for greatness. Born to a young African slave couple, Jimmy grew up in Harlem, in up-state Chicago. Like all colored youth he joined a gang. in order to get his "props." He and the rest of his unnamed gang in Harlem ran the streets with an iron fist. Times were good with him and his bitch; or were they? Time were indeed good, until the Japanese performed a sneak attack on young Jimmy's town, killing his parents instantly. Jimmy swore revenge on all the Japanese, and promised to avenge the death of his parent, who were on the verge of curing cancer. Jimmy couldn't join the army because Martin Luther King Jr. hadn't been born yet and coloreds couldn't join the military. So Jimmy had to form a plan. A deadly plan, for revenge. Using a new name, Jimmy snuck into a Japanese base in Tokyo, and fought off countless samurai and ninjas, until he came face to face with the president of Japan. "President Maximoto! Now you're going to pay!" Jimmy sais, but little did he know that right behind him was Hitler! "Now you must fight us both!" Jimmy fought valiantly, but he was no match for both Hitler and President Japan. With a dying charge, he pushed Hitler out the window, falling with him to death. Jimmy McPerson probably saved the world, because he killed Hitler, and sacrificed himself in the process. However, since Jimmy used a fake name to do battle in China, his story was never revealed to the American public. Thus, Jimmy's efforts will go passed by, unnoticed by time and history.[/quote]

I'm counting the black as your entry.

[Volke]

[quote=""JensenBakura""][quote=""Volke""]Jimmy McPerson isn't a well sung hero. He isn't in any history books, not many people have even heard of him. Some might argue he was never even a documented citizen. However, what can't be argued, is the contributions he brought to this great nation during it's most troubled time: World War 2. It can also be said, without a doubt, that he definitely existed. Young Jimmy knew from the beginning that he was destined for greatness. Born to a young African slave couple, Jimmy grew up in Harlem, in up-state Chicago. Like all colored youth he joined a gang. in order to get his "props." He and the rest of his unnamed gang in Harlem ran the streets with an iron fist. Times were good with him and his bitch; or were they? Time were indeed good, until the Japanese performed a sneak attack on young Jimmy's town, killing his parents instantly. Jimmy swore revenge on all the Japanese, and promised to avenge the death of his parent, who were on the verge of curing cancer. Jimmy couldn't join the army because Martin Luther King Jr. hadn't been born yet and coloreds couldn't join the military. So Jimmy had to form a plan. A deadly plan, for revenge. Using a new name, Jimmy snuck into a Japanese base in Tokyo, and fought off countless samurai and ninjas, until he came face to face with the president of Japan. "President Maximoto! Now you're going to pay!" Jimmy sais, but little did he know that right behind him was Hitler! "Now you must fight us both!" Jimmy fought valiantly, but he was no match for both Hitler and President Japan. With a dying charge, he pushed Hitler out the window, falling with him to death. Jimmy McPerson probably saved the world, because he killed Hitler, and sacrificed himself in the process. However, since Jimmy used a fake name to do battle in China, his story was never revealed to the American public. Thus, Jimmy's efforts will go passed by, unnoticed by time and history.[/quote]

I'm counting the black as your entry.[/quote]

Dude, I have no idea what I typed.......

[BlueElephantKung-Fu]

[quote=""JensenBakura""][quote=""Volke""]Jimmy McPerson isn't a well sung hero. He isn't in any history books, not many people have even heard of him. Some might argue he was never even a documented citizen. However, what can't be argued, is the contributions he brought to this great nation during it's most troubled time: World War 2. It can also be said, without a doubt, that he definitely existed. Young Jimmy knew from the beginning that he was destined for greatness. Born to a young African slave couple, Jimmy grew up in Harlem, in up-state Chicago. Like all colored youth he joined a gang. in order to get his "props." He and the rest of his unnamed gang in Harlem ran the streets with an iron fist. Times were good with him and his bitch; or were they? Time were indeed good, until the Japanese performed a sneak attack on young Jimmy's town, killing his parents instantly. Jimmy swore revenge on all the Japanese, and promised to avenge the death of his parent, who were on the verge of curing cancer. Jimmy couldn't join the army because Martin Luther King Jr. hadn't been born yet and coloreds couldn't join the military. So Jimmy had to form a plan. A deadly plan, for revenge. Using a new name, Jimmy snuck into a Japanese base in Tokyo, and fought off countless samurai and ninjas, until he came face to face with the president of Japan. "President Maximoto! Now you're going to pay!" Jimmy sais, but little did he know that right behind him was Hitler! "Now you must fight us both!" Jimmy fought valiantly, but he was no match for both Hitler and President Japan. With a dying charge, he pushed Hitler out the window, falling with him to death. Jimmy McPerson probably saved the world, because he killed Hitler, and sacrificed himself in the process. However, since Jimmy used a fake name to do battle in China, his story was never revealed to the American public. Thus, Jimmy's efforts will go passed by, unnoticed by time and history.[/quote]

I'm counting the black as your entry.[/quote]
Killing hitler = mad points for Volke.